Some days I just want to quit my job! The only problem being that my 5 little employers won't let me. You know those days that everything goes haywire. The days that the to-do list requires about 30 hours of work and has to be done in the next 24 hours. The days when all the kids do is fight, hit, whine and complain. The days when you clean one room only to move to the next and find a bigger mess. Oh, and when you go back into said clean room, it no long is. The days when you bust your butt to do something nice and no one notices, much less says "Thank you". Yep, that's today.
Today's the day that I wish I didn't have kids to take care of, clean up after, etc. Today's the day that I wish I could have my life back to myself so I could have a clean house and do my own thing.
So here's my confession...I told the kids I quit and that since I'm no longer a Mom, I don't have to take them to Disneyland. So as they all lay in their beds crying, I sit on my butt blogging and having my little "therapy session". The only thing I'm lacking is some chocolate and a Diet Coke. Oh, and a husband. I'm sure I shouldn't be hating his calling, but after 3 years of him disappearing every Wednesday night, I'm getting really sick of it.
There. I said it. Maybe now I can start to feel better.
I don't really want to quit being a mom, but sometimes my old life sounds pretty darn good. What's funny is that being a mom was all I ever wanted. hahaha. Little did I know what I'd be getting myself into. But I wasn't really planning on having so many kids either. What was I thinking? This is nuts. We had 5 kids in 6 1/2 years on top of Dave's 3 that were already there. Who in their right mind would have done what we did? I just hope that Heavenly Father has some sort of plan on how I'm supposed to do all of this, because I'm out of ideas. But given all that's happened in the last 2 months, I think He may have forgotten who I am. I thought we had something going, but then right when I thought I was doing what He wanted me to do, I get the carpet pulled out from under me. So now I don't quite know what to think. What was I feeling when what I felt was a "yes" turns out to be a big fat "NO!" Why does life have to be so hard?
And now I've said the rest of it.
Maybe now I can have some peace knowing that when I wake up in the morning it will be a new day. I can hope that someone notices and appreciates what I do. I can hope that there are no fights and that when I clean something, it will stay that way. That when I pray, they don't just bounce back off the ceiling. That my kids will actually do what I ask them to do, when I ask them to do it.
Then maybe I won't want to walk out on my job. Hey, I can dream, can't I?
Christmas Day came and went so quickly. It's much like expecting a baby -- You plan and prepare for so long and then the baby grows so fast that you don't have time to really enjoy it being a baby. After weeks of planning and shopping and wrapping, it was over in mere minutes. Sort of. 
We did something different this year, mainly because we had Dave's boys in the morning. Matt had asked for an electric guitar, Dalin and Jackson just wanted gift cards so they could do their own shopping. That doesn't make for a very exciting Christmas morning. The little kids had asked for several smaller toys which amounts to lots of presents for them and not for the big boys. After having lived through the torture of having to watch my Dad's younger kids open present after present while I sat there with my 3 shirts, I was determined to never put Matt, Dalin and Jackson through that. So Dave and I devised a plan. Santa left everyone their stockings on the couch upstairs, along with a couple of gifts. His boys got what they had asked for and our kids each got a new shirt and a toy. We then got dressed and went to breakfast at Village Inn. It was nice to not have to make anything (or clean up). We ate and visited and then we headed back home while the boys went to their mom's house for round 2. 
Once we got home, the kids discovered that Santa had left some more presents under the tree for them. They were so excited to see more and know that Santa had come again. It's amazing how many presents a kid can get when they only cost $10 or less. It was fun to watch as their little faces got excited with each gift. By the end, I felt like Santa had way over done it again and had to remind myself that he hadn't. This year Santa spent less on the younger kids than ever before. And nobody noticed. In fact, I felt better about it than any other year. I am so grateful that we have the means to provide a lot of the extras for our kids, but the last thing I want to do is spoil them. I've always believed that its good for kids to want for something. Although I'm not sure they do. They have such a better life than I did growing up. I will forever be thankful for how blessed we are and for the life that we have. 
McCall was one of the tigers, you know, as in lions and tigers and bears..Oh My! Each of the three preschool ballet classes took one of the scary animals. She did pretty well for her first recital. She was often not where she was supposed to be and was a little bit behind the other girls in the dance, but she had so much fun. I just had to remind myself that this was her first year and I couldn't expect her to do much different than she did. I love that both girls love to dance since I always did and it was such a passion of mine. It's fun to watch them grow and progress and to think about all of the fun years we have ahead.
