I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!!!

I've finally gotten to a point that I'm sick and tired of being fat. I am disgusted every time I see myself in the mirror or in pictures. I know how the weight came on - each pregnancy gave me 5 pounds (except Seth, he gave me 10) and then I turned 40. Everyone warned me that they immediately gained 5-10 pounds once they turned 40, but I was sure that wouldn't happen to me. Guess what...It did. So now I find myself, a nauseating 35 pounds heavier than 10 years ago when we got married. Now, as much as I would love to have a 20-something body, I do realize that I don't, and sadly, it will never be back. But that doesn't mean that I have to stay fat, either.

So, last week I started the South Beach diet. I've done it before, but have never had the willpower to stay on it longer than a week. But this time is going to be different. For starters, I'm now telling all of you what I'm doing, so if I fail, everyone will know. But more than that, I have to lose some of this weight. I hate my body and can't stand to see it. I'm embarrassed to go anywhere and see people that knew a thinner me. Dave and I are going on a cruise for our 10th anniversary and I don't want him to have to go with a pudgy wife.

I'm on day #9 of Phase 1, for those of you that know about the diet. Most of my cravings for sweets have disappeared, but I miss having treats. It's so hard to live in a house full of kids and a husband that like cookies, chips & treats and not eat anything. I have had NO sugar, NO breads and NO fruit. I love eating more healthy, but I hate not being able to eat whatever sounds good. I'm having to cook 2 dinners every night (one for me and one for everyone else), but they are very yummy dinners. With it being summer, the fresh veggies are so good and I really enjoy them. They would just taste better with a little butter on them and some ice cream to follow. The closest thing I've had to a dessert is a bowl of sugar-free jello. Better than nothing, but not exactly a gooey fudge brownie. I have 5 more days until I can add in a whole grain and a fruit each day and I'm so looking forward to it. You know it's bad when an apple becomes a treat to look forward to. If I can stay strong, it will be at least a month or 2 before I have a treat I really like, but having a body I like is more important to me.

I guess I'm just rambling on because I can't eat and type at the same time and hopefully by telling you all, I'll have greater success. As of Monday, I have lost 6 pounds and have another 20 to go. I'm excited to get to where I'm happier with my reflection even though I do so miss my chocolate.