Am I Inactive???

Here I sit, DURING CHURCH, typing on my computer. I can't remember the last time I made it through all 3 hours of church. We have late church this year (1-4 pm) which happens to coincide directly with naptime. McCall is still too young to go to nursery, but too old to sit quietly on my lap. So most Sundays, my goal is to make it through Sunday School before I give up and head home. But today she's sick, so I didn't even try. She's had a fever all weekend, which I'm attributing to an immunization reaction. No other symptoms, just a fever. She is normally such an angel, but when she doesn't feel well--WATCH OUT!!! She has been permanently attached to me since Thursday night when the whining started. I should have known then that something was brewing because she never whines. Anyway, here I sit, wondering if the rest of the people at church think I'm inactive. The past 4 years have been so hit and miss for me. I've either been pregnant and feeling yucky, had a newborn, or a sick kid. Not that I wouldn't like to be there, but even the days that I am there, I feel like I would be better off at home. Somewhere between crying kids during Sacrament meeting, dirty diapers, tired babies that only sleep in cribs, and pacing the halls, the Spirit leaves. Many times I feel like I would feel more peace and be happier if I was at home with a sleeping child. So why do I still attempt to go every Sunday? I guess because I know that I should and because I believe it's true. So I guess I'm not realy inactive. Hopefully, Heavenly Father understands. I hold on to the hope that someday I will be able to last through all the meetings without leaving part way through and that once again I will be able to feel the Spirit there. Maybe when the kids leave for college? *U*